My Assistant
by ResDes2
Summary: Barney and Ted have some fun with PJ, the assistant. But not at the same time. Slash. Hotness. Based on one episode with references to others. REVIEW AND TELL YOUR FRIENDS!


**To all of you out there who watch How I Met Your Mother...here is some PJ FANFIC!!! So he was in ONE episode, but he was so fucking hot, I HAD to write a story about him! So here it is! Some pure sexyness! I've decided to write two chapters for this. Maybe three. Just something to releave the sexual tension. You know...Anyway, two or three pairings in this story! Yea! First will be the crack pairing, then the cannon and then more cannon! WOOT! GAY SEX TIME!!!**

**How this story is told: So you know how the premise of the show is him telling the story to his children? Well, this is him telling it to his wife (PLOT SPOILER!) Stella.  
**

**Chapter 1**

**Barney and PJ**

Stella, you want me to tell this story again? Why do you like this story so much? It's not that hot. OK, it's kind of hot, but oh well. You want me to tell it again? Fine, I'll tell it again.

It started off with us going to the bar as usual. We always go to the bar, as you know. Well, Barney comes out of nowhere, full of himself as always.

"Bro," he says to me, putting his hand up. "Bro, I've done it. Five me."

"What?"

"Five me."

"What did you do?"

"I've finally done it."

"Done what?" I asked.

"Slept with 200 girls...and one guy." He said the last part quite silently so at first I didn't hear him. It was disgusting, but I high-fived him.

"Wait, what was that last part?" Marshall asked.

"That I slept with 200 girls? Round for the table!" he yelled to the bar owner.

"No, after that. You mumbled something," Lily noted.

"That I slept with a guy?" Barney asked, starting to sip Marshall's drink.

_"You slept with a guy?!"_ Robin asked.

"Well, if you consider PJ a guy. The way he screamed, I swear he was a girl."

"_You slept with my assistant?"_ I asked.

_"You slept with my ex-boyfriend?"_ Robin asked.

"Yeah, it happened like this."

* * *

I was walking over to your apartment to meet up with you when I saw PJ sitting there, looking all innocent and whatnot. "Who are you?" he asked, looking up.

"Barney Stinson, who the hell are you?" I asked.

"Mosby's assistant."

"Good, I'm here to see the old Mobester, where is he?"

"He's out, may I show you over to the waiting room?"

"What waiting room?" I asked. Get this. He pointer over to...the couch. What a tool. I decided to teach him a lesson.

I asked him, "Hey PJ, you have to do everything Ted tells you, right?"

"Well, even if I didn't, I still would. He's the most intelligent person in the entire world. He's a genius."

"Yeah, right. Anyway, you have to do whatever he says, don't you?"

"Of course."

"So does that mean you have to do everything his best friend asks for?"

"Uhhh...sure...I guess..."

"Suck my fat cock."

"What?"

"That's right. My cock's nice and hard and it's waiting for someone to stick it down their throat."

"I don't know..."

"And then moan my name...that is, if you can make a noise with my big cock stuffing your mouth." I was so glad he was wearing at least a tie because I was only gonna fuck a guy with class. Also, if I ever wanted to fuck a guy, I wanted to pull him close with my tie.

* * *

"You've imagined how it'd be like if you fucked a guy?" Marshall asked.

"Haven't you?" Barney asked.

"No!" Marshall said. "In fact, I don't even know why I'm still listening to this story! I'm outta here! Lily, we're leaving!"

"Actually, this story's kinda hot..."

"Lily..."

"You can go, I wanna hear..."

"Fine," he said, stomping off.

"Where was I?" Barney asked.

* * *

Anyway, I did what I wanted to do if I fucked a man, which was pull him close with a tie. Not a sensual close, but more like a "Let's fuck so hard" close. "Undo the belt," I told him.

He did as told.

"Now unzip the zipper. My cock is straining and needs to be released." He slowly unzipped the zipper and looked up to me, smiling. I fakingly returned the smile to make him feel better about "his sexuality".

"Now reach in and grab the beast," I commanded. His hand went into my black pants. His hand grazed against my cock, found the thing, I released the hulk. He looked at it in confusion and fright for how he was gonna fit it in his mouth. So I released the tension by opening my mouth with it. At first he barely got any of it in, but he learned quickly. I grabbed the back of his head and pushed it in to make him learn. I threw my head back and moaned as he ate the entire thing. My cock slammed the back of his throat, making him choke on my cock, which sent shivers up my spine.

I have to admit. He was a pretty good blower. No girl could really do it like he did. He nearly made me come in five minutes. All the while I vebally abused him, which he seemed to like because every time I did it, the bulge in his pants got bigger.

Finally I said to him, "Uh, yeah, get my cock nice and wet so I can slide it up your ass."

He stopped chocking on my cock and pulled it out of his mouth to say, "What did you say?"

"You didn't think I only wanted a blowjob, do you? No, you're gonna give me the full fag treatment. Now let's take you over to 'the waiting room' to see what's in store." I picked him up and threw him on your couch. I ripped off his shirt to see a nice body. It was well built and seemed like he worked pretty hard on it. I guessed football player, although I'm not too good on the male sexual psychology. His abs complemented the nice chest, which had nice and small nipples that I rubbed while I plowed that ass. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I pulled off his dress pants with the slightest of ease and threw them on the floor. I watched as his body flailed with his cock moving rapidly along with his body. It was fully erect with the strongest stiffie I've ever seen and may I say quite large.

Anyway I pulled up his legs and stuck my pole deep on the first thrust. He jolted from my lightning bolt entering his body. I thrust deep and he shreiked like a little girl. May I say it nicely added to the sexual energy.

I continued to plow his ass for a very long time, showing no mercy whatsoever. And I will say now that I've never felt a tighter ass in my entire life. Maybe because the girls who I get anal from have had it before, I don't know. All I know is this kid was tight. His hands grasped my chest and he squealed, "Barney, oh fuck Barney. Oh, your cock is so big. Keep hitting that spot. Right there. Oh yeah Barney. Ooh!"

I decided I was this far in the gay zone, I decided to start feeling his body. I tweaked his nipples (which he seemed to enjoy), kissed him hard with my tongue dominating his mouth as my hands messed up that clean black hair, sucked on his pronounced adam's apple, and of course, jerked his cock like there was no tomorrow.

I asked, "You like that? You like my cock up your ass and my hand pulling your junk?"

"Oh fuck yes," he said, his face squished tight in full ecstacy, his balls jiggling to and fro. "I'm gonna come!" And then he did...all over my chest and his face. Yes, I made a guy come harder then he ever has in his life.

I knew I was close, so I said, "I wanna see you eat my come."

"I wanna eat your come," he said back. I pulled out and stuck my crotch right next to his face. He grabbed my dick and started rubbing fast and hard. I put my hands behind my head as he finished me off. I came all over his face, all through his black hair, more than ever. It felt so good doing that to him, especially since he deserved it, the little prick. I have never felt more justitude in coming on someone's face before in my life. Except for that one time. But that's another story.

* * *

"Oh my God, Barney, you slept with a guy?"

"Right?" he answered, bobbing his head up and down, doing that smile he always did.

"How was it?"

"Less disgusting than I thought."

"Ted, why the hell are you still listening to this story?" someone asked.

"Because I wanted to hear the story about how I hit that before Barney did."

**If this was a TV show, here is where the commercial would be.**


End file.
